Synthetic Kisses, Sexist DIY, Touring Teddy Bears And Cat Lickers
Send your cuddly toy on holiday and wonder how you got to this point.
What a great use of the miracle technology we call manmade flight.
The method behind this form of madness consists of paying €100 to send your stuffed animal in the post to a stranger in another country who just chucks toys in a rucksack, wanders around Paris, plops your precious in front of whatever looks nice and snaps a couple of pictures on their phone.
Then they text you the images, letting you know what a wonderful time you’re not having.
Furry Toys Tours is a Paris-based travel agent which charges you a ridiculous amount of money to take your fluffers to places like Tour Eiffel, Arc de Triomphe, Champs Elysées and Notre Dame.
For an extra €40, these plonkers will take some pictures of your toy at Château de Versailles! ‘What a treat!’ they claim.
What a treat, indeed. So what if I got myself a human-sized teddy bear costume? Do you reckon that would fly?
Way to beat sexism, guys!
The people behind Tomboy Tools, now renamed Project Home –probably because of complaints –market their company as an educational organisation and seller of ‘ergonomically designed hand and power tools’ for women.
When they say they design the tools for women, they mean making everything pink. They claim they support women and teach them ‘to feel confident using tools.’ Who taught us to be frightened of them?!
Also, what’s wrong with ‘normal’ tools, because aren’t men and women going to use them the same way? Or do we have to be prettier about it?
Concerning this ‘educational’ factor, where women with stupid pink tools come to your house for a ‘tool party’ and tell you how to DIY – it just makes me think this is regressive. Essentially they’re segregating women by making a big deal of how to fix and create with tools which are the traditional ‘girly’ colour.
Some women will like it. Probably most women will want to hammer Project Home people’s heads in.
Get intimate with your feline.
Their opening line: “Have you ever wanted to lick your cat?”
Well apparently, now you can do it without choking on your pet’s fur.
The company behind this monstrosity, PDX Pet Design, has justified the product by suggesting that using LICKI with your cat will bring you guys closer, as kitties lick as part of social bonding.
And you miss out on the ‘intimate licking ritual’ because you’re a human.
I feel sick and it isn’t because I don’t really like cats.
I love dogs. Dogs are the best. But I wouldn’t buy an artificial tongue and go around licking my pooch pals.
If you’re one of those cat ladies, I get it. But you could probably risk a fur ball and do it without the silicone brush.
Marketed as a kiss transfer gadget, the Kissenger is one of the creepiest things I’ve seen on the internet.
You kiss this silicon lip device, and sensors embedded underneath register when and how you do it. This data is sent to your smartphone, and the receiver gets a kiss from their own rubber lip thing, which is supposed to feel exactly like your mouth. Your partner can kiss you back too, all in real time. The company says that miniature linear actuators reproduce forces on your partner’s lips, creating a realistic kissing sensation.
Earlier prototypes I found on the internet looked like a Mr Potato Head/lumpy fat rock with moving lips on it.
Curious? Check out the website and see if you want to get intimate with the Kissenger.
But make sure you do it inside. Away from judgemental eyes.